Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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