I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
