i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
