Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
