She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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