He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
