I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
