Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
