Did you just see the Batmobile???
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
