Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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