giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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