In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
