So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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