i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize