im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
