This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
