Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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