i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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