It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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