Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
