I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
