i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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