why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
