Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
