I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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