Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
