dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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