nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Couch. On fire.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
