I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
