no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
