dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
