I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
