I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
