I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
