i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
