I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
