I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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