I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
