Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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