I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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