NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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