Grow some girl-balls and come out already
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
