I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
