No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
