My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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