I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
