once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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