fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
