Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
