My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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