Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
