sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
